Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
