a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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