Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
