You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
