I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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