i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize