Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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