i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
