god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
