And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
