VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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