If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
