My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
