I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
