doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
