i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
