Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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