I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
