You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
