wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
this hospital has no fireball
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
