I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
