He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
