Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize