he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
