My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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