I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize