well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
