I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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