Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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