omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
