So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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