just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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