and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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