If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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