i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
