I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
