I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
