oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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