O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
