you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I look better un-naked...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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