her vagine was all disorganized.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize