ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
