is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
