why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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