I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
