it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
be right there i have to get my cape
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
