If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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