She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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