I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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