i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
