dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
