Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
