I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
