That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think people are normalizing furries
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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