You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize