girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
