Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
