I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize