on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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