I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
