There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
