There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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